All's Splendid on the Western Front

Trying to summarize and compile my first month of Being A Real Person Faraway From Home is making me realize that I've gotten some absurdly lucky breaks. From finding an apartment across the street from Golden Gate Park, to landing a job on Haight Street in a bustling local market, to absorbing a fantastic group of solid friends... It's starting to get surreal. Usually I can blame my positive spirit on my deceptively rose-tinted glasses or the fact that I bleed eternal optimism, but I'm pretty sure these scenarios are due to circumchance and impeccable (albeit completely unintentional) timing.

Anyhow, this is as far as I plan to babble excitedly about the beauties of synchronicity. I'm thinking about slicing up my stories/memories into a three part series, lumping experiences into the categories that best capture the spirit of my cali adventures (...also life): PARKS, DRINKING, and MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT. It's probably not going to be a very well-spaced series, seeing as I just drank a buttload of coffee but it's definitely too much to squish into one post without boring the bejeezus out of my wonderful Greader friends.

TL;DR - Still Reaganing! Will actually update something of substance soon.

Late night brain splatters

On constellations and an ethnocentric interpretation of science
How crazy is it that ancient Greeks were able to map out stars by weaving mythological narratives out of what was, for all intents and purposes, a massive game of connect-the-dots? Seems like their science was more about patience and imagination than anything else. (Though they were definitely onto something-- imposing semantic significance is super effective way to store information. Plus it's useful in discerning cardinal directions. But I digress.) Makes you wonder in what ways we've infused our culture into the documentation of modern scientific discoveries. Because we definitely do. The existence of Americium, Californium, Berkelium and Einsteinium on the periodic table are just the tip of the iceberg. Honestly, I'm pretty excited to see which of our theories/assumptions/models will be deemed arbitrary by people-of-the future. Basically any chaotic or quantum system, yea? also binomial nomenclature. On second thought, that's a can-o-worms I am not fit to be opening.

If you haven't heard The King of Limbs yet, fortheloveofgod stop reading this and go do that now.
I know I can't compete with the billions of reviews about Radiohead's new album that've been thrust into the interwebs over the past few weeks, however, I can recommend that you give the album a good listen in the shower. Particularly the song Feral. It's phenomenal. But if you're impatient and don't feel like waiting for your monthly cleansing, here, appreciate this deliciously trippy visual interpretation of the song by Steven Murashige.

He recommends "Lights off, HD on, Play loud." I second this.

*Cue that one Phantom Planet song everyone knows*
Heads up dudes, I'm finally following through  two years worth of blog posts and moving to the West Coast! This is going to be quite an adventure and I can't wait to bore you with details! Til then, listen to this way cheerier Phantom Planet song. Or check out Aaron Diaz (of Dresden Codak)'s tumblr where he explains and explores some theory supporting aesthetically strong comics. OR watch this incredible rap battle between Abraham Lincoln and Chuck Norris. Those are your only three options.

It's way too late to be this locked inside ourselves

Something that has always boggled my mind is the concept of revenge. Not that I don't understand why it exists, it's probably just as much biologically hardwired as love or fear. Retaliation is a reflex, an instinct. And hey, sometimes it's justified. People can suck. We have the potential to be stupendously awful to each other. But what I don't get is how we can let vengeance completely overrun our lives, or how people can think it's an effective method for dealing with social conflicts. If movie subplots are any indication of the human condition, it's a pretty serious issue (that or I watch too much Tarantino). Maybe I should be more specific, I'm not talking war-crimes proportions, I mean day-to-day interactions with friends, significant others and coworkers. I don't think I'm alone in saying that I can hold a mad grudge. But why? Since when do grudges ever change anything? They just make you angry and bitter and that doesn't solve shit. Ever.

"Forgive and forget" is an aphorism for the lazy, life and relationships are definitely more complicated than that. Yet, time and experience have only shown me that whether or not it's right, it's the healthiest option. We all deal with getting hurt in different ways, but at least for me, I'm starting realizing that just letting go is the only way to actually move on. Holding grudges makes you suffer. Vengeance continues the cycle of hurt and christ, it's not like we need any more of that in the mix. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves to be happy. No exceptions.  

Whew. That's my cheesy/preachy realization of the day. Parents and elementary school teachers should be proud, it only took 20-some-odd years** for all those lessons to sink in. 

On the flipside, sometimes I wonder if this laid-back attitude is what makes people feel they can get away with hurting me in the first place. Valid question. Luckily for me, I'm armed with the delusion of perpetual optimism. So bring it on, world!


**plus a fun day in the park, plus Interpol on repeat. Recipe for maturity?

Diagnosis: Chronic Infomania

So, this thought-train started up earlier this afternoon when I was trying to get some serious work-stuffs done. I need to study for the GRE, get headway on three different tasks for work, and dedicate time to paintings I promised to people months ago. (And here I thought being stressed during weekends ended with receiving that ol' diploma tube in the mail. False.) But before getting started on any of these projects, I have to stop and think about how I'm going to spend my day. This requires mentally organizing tasks into functional categories: does this one require computer/internet? Can I do it at the same time as something that doesn't? Can I do it outside? How can I mix-match-multitask my way into the most efficient use of my time?

For example:
Painting (+1) while watching Java tutorial on computer(+1).
Painting requires that I stay inside at home -> Home means I don't have to wear clothes (+1) but I don't get stable internet (-1).

Making GRE flashcards (+1) while downloading abstracts of relevant experiments (+1) at Coffeegroundz (internet (=chat + email + PubMed) + being outside= +4).

Maybe it was the more-than-decent amount of coffee in my system, but for the first time in quite a while I actually started listening in on myself ticking through iterations. Making these pro/con lists of combinations isn't something you do consciously; years of practice (and probably procrastination) have made the process automatic. So I paused a minute... when did this happen? All we've ever been taught about attention and memory is that focus and critical thinking are the best ways to absorb information. So when did I start equating multitasking with productivity?

Oddly enough, I do remember the first time I thought about it. The first time I became aware of how technology has affected our ability to focus on work. It was sometime late middle school and I was doing homework on our family computer- probably writing an essay of some kind- when my mom walked in to check up on my progress. She asked how I was doing. I said fine. Then she starting laughing and asked how I could possibly be getting anything done. This caught me off guard... I was just doing work as usual. A Microsoft Word document was open in one corner of the screen with snippets of paragraphs scattered across an otherwise empty page and three or four IE windows were haphazardly sized and stacked in the remaining desktop space. The taskbar was lit up by intermittent blinks from a handful of minimized AIM windows and the physical desktop of our office workspace was littered with looseleaf notes and open binders. I cupped my hand over the base of our landline phone (I had been chatting with a friend from New York) and answered "I dunno, I just do." Which is the truth. I'd never really questioned a workflow that came so naturally...but when you see it from an observer's perspective it makes absolutely no sense.

Somewhere along the way, this ability to do-lotsa-things-at-once turned into an compulsion to do-lotsa-things-at-once. Otherwise, you get bored or feel like you're wasting time. Go ahead, try to focus. Before you know it, a thought reminds you of that other thing you're supposed to do so you look it up on Google or Wikipedia which reminds you to check that one thing on Facebook or Gmail and then you're drowning in a sea of tabs and programs and uncompleted thoughts.

We're a bunch of infomaniacs and it's sort of a problem ('cause I wasted my afternoon writing about this instead of whateverthehell else I was supposed to be doing. Meh.)

I wish I had some fun conclusive moral to this rambling. But I don't. Of course. and that's the whole point. Here, have some relevant links:

Chuck & Beans comic: Life Before Google.

BBC News says that Infomania worse than Marijuana

Other countries say ADHD is very culture-bound: at best, overdiagnosed in the US. At worst, a phenomenon we made up to describe flighty state of mind.

And of course, the kickass Currrent Show: InfoMania

Ceci n'est pas une blog post

This is, instead, a mere future reflection of posts to come. An intentional and hopeful self-fulfilling prophecy. And so I present to you Things I Have Been Meaning To Write About But Haven't So I Am Posting Them As A List Both To Encourage Writing and Pass The Time:

- Historical Justification for my obsession with Scion commercials

- Why David Lynch is a such a baller

- Understanding hallucination perception

- Bonnaroo memories (Completely unrelated to previous item. I think.)

- I FINALLY GOT A CAR and all is well in the world.

- General World Cup enthusiasm

- Postmodern analysis of some Adult Swim programs

I know part of the point of blogging is spurting out information in a well-paced, timely manner but I only have limited access to caffeine and (more importantly) a stable internet connection so this is no longer an option. Plus I am lazy. Very very very lazy.

Finished my finals, wrote a paper about it.

5:00 today marked the deadline for my last three finals of fall semester. FREEDOM! How do I choose to spend this freedom? Drinking beer and rearranging files on my hard drives. It's actually really interesting to dig through the stacks of folders and unnamed .txt files that accumulate over the span of a semester (though I wouldn't want you to get the impression that I clean up my computer files after every semester- this is just a relatively new computer and I haven't had time to properly clutter it beyond all hope) It's almost nostalgic to open up half finished Word documents, scattered images I absolutely had to right-click-save-as and music I forgot to move into my directory. It transports you back in time to the many hours spent wasting away in front of this bright little machine: for all intensive purposes, useless but entertaining.

Anyhow, the reason I mention this is to draw attention to a particular file I came across. Stored in E:\Words\TODO\finals08fall\ I found a paper entitled "A Compilation of Neurophysiological Evidence for Functional Word Webs from Pulvermüller’s The Neuroscience of Language." Some fun facts about this document: it was completed on May 4, 2008 at 4:11 in the morning, it weighs in at 15 pages (14 excluding references), and in a twist I can only describe as painfully ironic, I have no recollection of writing it. At all.

This reminds me of a conversation I was having a few days ago (or earlier today... attempting to understand how time perception works during finals is futile). What purpose do final papers serve, exactly? They are supposed to be the culmination of an entire semester's worth of information, applied to a topic of our choosing. But for what? To prove to the professor that we learned something? To show we can integrate information and regurgitate it in an organized manner? To expand the knowledge base of an academic field? Yes and no (to which question?? Who knows!).

The idea that I could have no tangible memories of something I spent 15 pages discussing baffled me, and this has led me to devise a theory on paper writing- of course.

First of all, papers you are not personally interested in are just exercises in bullshitting. I'd say this comprises an unfortunate amount of my schoolwork, and each one has made me faster, more efficient, and more jaded.

But then, there is the second type of paper: one that you do attach some significance to, (whether or not this is reflected in the amount of time you spend on it. whoops.) My new theory about paper writing is that researching for this kind of paper really is as helpful to the process of learning as sitting in on a professor's lecture. You delve into the world of scholarly books (or more often, .pdfs) in search of information to absorb, analyze, piece together, and spit back out in narrative form. Assuming you don't go through a research project copy-pasting your way from source to source, you're forced to analyze and evaluate in your own words. Definitely an effective model for learning. I guess you technically do the same thing in the papers you bullshit, but for some reason, I feel like there is a different level of processing. Bullshit requires only training and peripheral brain power.

So as much as I want to complain about paper writing during finals, I think I'm finally starting to appreciate the concept. Maybe it's because I actually enjoyed the topics for my 12 and 15 pagers this semester (both completed above the minimal page count!). Or maybe it was finding a final from the spring of my sophomore year and having absolutely no mental reaction to the paper's title. Reading through the document, I know it's mine, but the information all sounds remarkably self-evident (well of course stimulus activation patterns have helped us develop neural models of functional word webs...). Instead of seeing this as evidence the paper was an employment of effective bullshitting, I'm choosing to interpret this as a sign that the amount of time and energy I spent on the subject matter deeply ingrained the information into my skull. I can no longer tell where my prior knowledge starts and stops- what I learned writing that final is now a fundamental part of how I understand and conceptualize the world. (Well, that, and I'm sure the paper-accompanying coffee binges weren't great for conscious retrieval.)

So for now, that's going to be my theory. Humans seem to be capable of convincing themselves of just about anything (like me convincing myself that writing a blog post about final papers was a good idea), it makes perfect sense that the very act of devoting so much time and energy to a 15+ page bundle of words could slightly alter our worldview (learning?).

Then again, maybe that's just me. a) Because I have a terrible memory and feel the need to grasp at the air for explanation. b) Because my brain still hasn't quite recovered from finishing finals up and I'm not physically capable of making sense. Maybe I should check back in two years and see if I remember writing my fall 09 finals*. Ha.

Okay, so where was I? OH RIGHT. This is why my computer files never get cleaned up.

* Just in case anyone cared AND because I'm proud of them AND because they make myself sound super cool:

Paper 1:

A Neurobiological Approach to the Treatment of Psychopathy: Theoretical Overview and Proposed Experiment (the experiment I propose is: Measuring Selective Attention to Angry and Fearful Faces after Repetitive Transcranial Magnitic Stimulation at the Prefrontal Cortex)

Paper 2:

Evaluating Wikipedia: Issues and Solutions in Technology, Policy, and Application

Sup Dawg

One of the more strange symptoms of identity crises in college is the splintering of blogs. Or maybe that's just me. It seems whenever I stop writing for an extended period of time, I grow less and less attached to whatever style/subjects I used to write about. So of course, I have this incredible urge to open a new account, disconnect completely from my past posting and create a new identity for myself on the internet. (oh you know, back in high school I was all like philosophical and political but now I'm more like into internet jokes and music and shit, you know? like totally) Right now I'm in the mood to just type out all inane details in my life that for whatever reason feel relevant enough to document. Anyways, long story short, I'm continuing with this poor old thing. But I don't have a choice- I honestly feel incomplete without a functioning blog. So, till punctuated equilibrium of identity evolution strikes again, I'm baaaaaaaaack!

Do you love that picture/failed meme of Nic Cage, or what? Too bad I'm pretty sure it's photoshopped. The shadows are all wrong.